Formula One
by Fallen Ark Angel
Summary: In which Laxus makes his newborn her first bottle...with less than likable results. - One-shot, set in Last Month universe.


Formula One

It was with a deep sigh that Laxus lifted his daughter into his arms that night, letting his breath back out slowly.

"Lana," he whispered as he stared at his sobbing daughter. "Are you upset?"

Horribly. Did it really need to be stated?

"Come here," he groaned as he held her above his head, taking a slight sniff. She didn't seem to have taken a dump, so that was marked off. Although, after living with the baby for a nearly solid week, Laxus usually knew when that was the problem. "You hungry then?"

That had to be it. So, bleary eyed and being careful not to trip down the stairs with Lana in his arms, Laxus headed to the kitchen.

"The demon has had to get up and feed you for the past six days, Lana," Laxus whispered to the still whining newborn. "The exact amount you've been with us. So not tonight, huh?"

They'd prepared for such an occasion as Mira being out or the like and not being able to feed her. Namely, Mirajane had gone over with him how to make formula. A lot. At least ten times. All of which Laxus grumbled about how he wasn't an idiot and knew what he was doing. Oh, and that the whole point of marrying Mirajane and having a baby with her was because, obviously, she'd be more than able to feed the baby all on her own. And then he'd wink. Or make a more clear reference to her breasts. And get in trouble.

Heh.

Now though, standing there in the harsh kitchen light, staring at a bottle as well as the thing of formula, Laxus had no idea what to do. It didn't help, at all, that Lana was still screaming her head off, but he tried hard not to blame her.

"Just give me a second," he said, staring down at the newborn in his arms. "I'm tryin' here."

Hmm. Formula. That sounded simple enough. Honestly, it seemed like something Laxus, the Thunder God, protector of all and, basically the greatest mage to ever walk the face of Earth Land, should be able to do in his sleep.

And perhaps if he was just babysitting someone else's whining little brat, it would have been that simple. Just thrown together some formula and been done with it. But he was holding in his arms (and silently praying that she didn't vomit on him; she spit up a lot more than he was comfortable with) the greatest little dragon-demon hybrid baby in the entire universe and, damn it, she deserved some damn fine formula to tide her over until her mother got up to give her the good stuff!

Heh.

"Alrighty, Lana," Laxus began again as, after reading over the instructions on the container, he figured out the gist of what he was to do. "I just gotta scoop some of this powder into your bottle here and and fill it with some water and then shake it all up. Then you can eat and I can go back to sleep. And you can go to sleep too. Preferably before Mirajane wakes up. Or her filthy mutt..."

Lana didn't give a crap about any of that and only continued to wail her little tiny head off and it was just so disheartening.

And annoying. Though in the short week, Laxus had formed a love for his baby, he was still adjusting to her presence in the house. He'd also definitely been having trouble adjusting to all her wails. Not accustomed to a baby, the sounds she made at times were rather painful to his dragon senses.

"Uh, here, Lana," he sighed, shifting her gently to one arm. He was rather weary about holding her in such a way, as without the other arm, he didn't feel as if she was too secure, but he needed to get the bottle ready. "Give me a moment, okay?"

Try no. She needed attention immediately.

Laxus only tried humming under his breath to appease her as he got the formula all set up. Once he had the bottle all filled with water and powder (he hoped he put the right amount in there) he shook it up some as Lana, still, continued to whine.

When he finally got the bottle all ready, he shifted Lana back to cradling in his arms and moved to try and feed it to her.

But all he got in return was more cries.

"What?" he complained, frowning down at her. "Drink, baby. It's a bottle. You've had a bottle before, right?"

Right?

Sure.

"Come on," he continued as Lana refused to take the bottle. "What's wrong? Huh? It can't be that bad. I mean, kid, you drink from someone's chest. A bottle should be a major step up."

Apparently not.

"Lana," her father groaned as she only continued to whine. Then something occurred to him.

"You want me to warm it up?" He headed over to the sink then and turned on the hot water. "I think that's a thing with bottles. Is that a thing, Lana? Huh? You don't know, do you?"

Baby talk, apparently, was not working as it did nothing to calm her down. Sigh.

Holding the bottle under the running water, Laxus waited for a bit for it to warm up before turning off the water and shaking the droplets from it. Then he tried to feed it to Lana once more.

"Why," he growled, "won't you just take the bottle? Huh? What is wrong with it? I swear, I filled it just like the little container said. This is the perfect bottle, Lana!"

"Laxus, what are you doing? Why are you yelling at her?"

He frowned at the sound of his wife's voice, turning slightly to glance back at her. "I'm not yelling. I'm just frustrated. I didn't want you to have to get up, but she won't take her bottle."

"What makes you think she's hungry?"

"Well, I did a sniff test-"

"A sniff what?"

"-and she doesn't need a diaper change," the man went on. "So I just figured-"

"I fed her, like, literally an hour ago."

"What?"

Nodding, the woman came over with a yawn to gently pluck their daughter from his arms. Beneath her feet, of course, was a very sleepy Raijin, Mirajane's pet puppy, who only went over to his water bowl to get a drink.

"She's probably not hungry," she said, taking the bottle as well. When the baby didn't take it, she added, "She might just want to be rocked back to sleep."

"How did you feed her without me knowing?"

"Oh, Laxus, she wakes up at least twice as much as you think she does," the woman yawned. "You just don't wake up. You sleep so heavy-"

"I do not." And he didn't. "I wake up at everything." It was part of being a dragon. He was extremely vigilant.

"No, Lax, you don't." Going to set the bottle down on the counter, Mirajane headed off with Lana still whining in her arms. "And you should have just woken me up. Either that or Lisanna. That is why she's living here."

Sorta.

"I can take care of the baby too," he complained, heading after his wife once he'd set the bottle in the fridge. "Mira. You know that I can. And stop following me, Raijin."

He wasn't. He was following Mirajane. Who Laxus happened to be following. So there.

"You spent all day working out and helping with Lana and you're leaving on a job soon enough," Mira told him as they climbed the stairs. "You don't have to get up in the middle of the night so much. Once or twice is enough."

Once or twice? He felt like he got up at least twenty times. And fine, he'd been told before that the first week (try month, if not six months) was the worst, but the thought of it eventually evening out didn't help his lack of sleep any.

"You're not trickin' me, woman," he complained as she led him to the guest bathroom.

"Tricking you?"

"Yeah. Into sayin' somethin' stupid or whatever so you call tell all your stupid friends about how I don't help with the baby or-"

"Laxus, just go to bed. Now you're on my nerves."

Still, he only watched as she laid the baby down on the counter to change her.

"What are you doing?" he asked. "I told you that I did a sniff test."

"She still might like a new diaper, you know."

Heh.

Raijin had not signed up for diaper duty, however, and only headed to Mirajane and Laxus' bedroom to go get back in bed (preferably Laxus' spot) and go back to sleep. The new diaper did nothing for Lana's little crying jag she was on, but Mirajane didn't seem to mind. Only stuck Laxus with the old one before heading off to the baby's room to rock her back to sleep.

It wasn't immediate and Laxus almost suggested that they try his plan, which was feeding her, but after sleepily singing to her for a bit, Mira, finally, got the baby back to sleep.

"I-"

"Shhh,"she shushed Laxus, giving him a glance as she gently laid the baby back down in her crib. Breathing softly, she stared down at Lana for a long moment before turning to face him. Nodding out of the room, he was quick to head that way.

"I really just thought that she was hungry," Laxus said as Mirajane didn't even speak to him. Only went to fall back into bed, being careful of Raijin, who'd rolled into her spot in his sleep. Burying her head in her pillow, she didn't move as the man joined her. "I made formula. Demon. Did you hear me?"

Moan.

"For the first time ever," Laxus went on. He'd actually gotten a good two hours of sleep compared to Mirajane's forty minutes, so he was a bit more awake than her. "I think I did it right. Lana really didn't want it, but I think it's just 'cause she wasn't hungry."

Mira, convinced then that he wouldn't shut up until she gave him some attention, only mumbled out against her pillow, "Thank you, dragon."

"Well, I didn't do it for you," He pulled the covers up around himself with a slight grin. "But you're welcome."

And things went well from there for a good half hour. Both of them managed to join Raijin in sleep and Lana didn't make a peep the entire time.

Until the apparently not actually home Lisanna did arrive back there, drunk, after a night out with Bickslow, and managed to be even less quiet in her attempt to be so than she would have been otherwise. And then Lana was woken up and Laxus was pissed and Mirajane just went to deal with the baby, Raijin under her feet, trying hard to stay awake enough deal with Lana.

"I hate your sister," Laxus said as he came into the nursery after chewing Lisanna and banning her to the downstairs guest room. "She needs to move out."

That night she did. The next day, when she'd help Mira out in the afternoon by watching the baby and giving her a chance to have a nap, Laxus would be fine with her and not even remember why he was upset with her. Not to mention kicking her out meant, more than likely, her going to live with Bickslow or, worse, rooming with Natsu and Happy in that shack. Laxus wasn't sure which he hated more for his baby sister (in-law), but both sounded dreadfully horrible.

At the moment, however, Mirajane was still half asleep and just passed the whining Lana off onto her father.

"I think," she told him as she headed back to the bedroom. "That she's ready for that formula now, dragon."

"Really?" He glanced down at the clearly upset Lana before heading off to go find out. Raijin, who needed a bathroom break, was quick to trail behind. "You want your bottle, Lana? Huh? Come on then. You know, I made the bottle. Just in case you were wondering."

She wasn't, but whatever.

Mirajane only watched them head (quite carefully, on Laxus' part) down the stairs and to the darkness of the downstairs, Raijin yapping as he followed along. Then she headed back to the room to go fall into bed once more and, hopefully, got another good hour before her services were required once more.

"Yeah, there you go, Lana," Laxus congratulated down in the kitchen as, after letting Raijin out (doggy doors were hard to figure out), he went to get the bottle once more. "You like it? Formula? Huh?"

Apparently. The man only yawned though, going to take a seat at the kitchen table with her in his arms, watching with bloodshot eyes as she took the bottle far easy than she had before.

"Mmmm. Lana. Mirajane picked out your name, you know," he told her. "I like it, of course, but I think we can come up with a pretty good nickname too. All the best baby's have them, I hear. And you're the best little...demon...dragon...child...thing ever." Then he frowned. "We'll work on it."

Oh, they would. In fact, they'd perfect it. Just not that night. That night Laxus was far too enthralled with watching her drink from her bottle and ignoring Raijin's cries at the back door to be let him (if Lana wasn't in his arms, he'd probably yell at the mutt to just use the damn doggy door; it's what it was there for!) until Lana finished to come up with some sort of great name for the child of the Thunder God and Satan Soul that was a spawn of a demon and the firstborn of a dragon. He'd have to play around with the words a bit, but it'd come eventually.

Of that he was certain.


End file.
